I was super nervously excited about my first float. I didn’t know what to expect nor had I done much….ok, any research on it. All I knew was what I was told that it was “amazing’ and “you have to try it.” On the drive to the float center, I couldn’t help but think about a million different questions I had… Was I going to like it? Would I really float? Would I get out early? Was I really going to float nude? Would this be as amazing as I was told?
I arrived a little early which gave enough time to get a tour of the entire facility and allow my brain to begin the decompression it needed before my float. I needed to make sure my mind was able to quiet enough to be alone with myself for the hour. You see, besides all the floating questions, my mind tends to question everything. Am I a good mom? Did I make the right choices today, yesterday, a week ago, 10 years ago? Did I offend someone by what I said? Was my divorce the best for me? Was it good for my boys? Did I make the best career choice? The self-talk is often and it has been so loud at times, that it keeps me up at night. It’s also super distracting in my life and can sidetrack me from my role as parent, friend, and business owner. In fact, I was sitting in the lobby of the float center feeling guilty for leaving my kids home while I was taking this tiny piece of me-time, since I had little spare time to spend with them.
Taking the plunge
I stepped into the shower in the float room hoping to wash away all my thoughts. Why did I come here? I should be spending quality time with my kids? Am I selfish for doing this? Can I really spare the money I’m spending on my float, or should I have used it to purchase necessities for my kids? I stepped into the tank and allowed myself to be surrounded by the warmth of the water. At first, as I looked up into nothing all I could think was “ok, now what.” It took me several minutes to figure out the most comfortable position to float and I decided I needed the music on to help keep me from thinking.
As I lay in the near-silence, I found my mind racing from one thought to the next. It was a wave of questions and self-doubt and worries. I had to really concentrate on the music to keep my mind at bay. After a bit of time, I noticed I couldn’t feel my legs...or arms...or tell that I was even wet. It was the strangest yet coolest thing I had ever felt...or not felt. As soon as I realized I couldn’t feel anything, I would feel it. Clearly I needed to practice not thinking. At one moment all I could “feel” was that I was a blob of brain and I wondered could we be on a similar plane as the Dr. Seuss story Horton Hears a Who? I found myself in and out of different states of consciousness and at one point was concerned I had been forgotten. I think I fell asleep, but am not certain. But, I do know it came as a startle when the voice came on telling me my session had ended. I stepped out into the room and showered away all the Epsom salt and allowed the remaining thoughts to wash down the drain.
Relief at last!
As I drove home from my float experience, I couldn’t help but notice the way my brain felt. My body was super relaxed like I had a Swedish massage, but my brain...it was mush. It was the first time, probably since I was a young child, that I truly felt nothing but ahhhh. The only way I can put it into words is that it felt like someone had gone into my head and massaged my brain. That feeling continued for a few days. I was able to fall asleep without worry. I went several days without questioning myself or my actions. I KNEW I needed to add floating to the wellness center business I had been planning for years. I KNEW I needed to find a way for everyone to be able to experience the quiet that is a float.